


Lorcan Scamander - Relationship Guru (or something like one)

by Draco_Amante



Series: Drabble Challenge 2015 with Unkissed [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-24 20:54:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3784021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draco_Amante/pseuds/Draco_Amante
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drabble Prompts: (Taken from my Twitter Feed)</p><p>I'm on some community email chain for residents in the Denver area. I would tell them to take me off but I like knowing what's occurring. X - Jamie Campbell Bower</p><p>Just overheard a seriously arrogant man say, "Your ego is not your amigo." Is it possible to spontaneously combust from irony overload? - Caprice Crane</p><p>(218): I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at the bar was one of my tinder matches - Texts From Last Night</p><p> </p><p>Lorcan might not be the best at relationships, but he's certain he fixed at least one of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lorcan Scamander - Relationship Guru (or something like one)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [unkissed](https://archiveofourown.org/users/unkissed/gifts).



“You know, I’m pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at the bar was one of my Tinder matches,” Lysander half-yelled into Albus’ ear. It was absolutely packed in Origins, and the music was loud enough that you could hardly hear yourself think.

It was almost heaven, the next best thing to being on stage. Except for one thing.

“What is ‘Tinder’?” Lorcan murmured, somehow managing to both hear and be heard over the music without actually appearing to raise his voice. It was disturbing.

One more thing to add to the List of Why Lorcan Is Creepy.

“Oh, it’s a dating thing. Muggle tech stuff,” Lysander replied, waving a hand airily as if to imply that Tinder couldn’t possibly be something that Lorcan might be interested in. In fairness, Lysander wasn’t wrong - Lorcan rarely paid attention to Muggle stuff unless it was a weapon, could somehow be weaponised, or made him look particularly dapper/sexy (Albus hated himself for thinking it, but the tightly tailored suits from Muggle designers did actually flatter Lorcan’s physique).

“Why don’t we go and dance, yeah?” Albus interjected, needing to spend a bit of time with his new boyfriend without feeling like Lorcan was secretly plotting all the ways he might dispose of Albus’ body should Lysander ever be so much as slightly upset. Thankfully, Lysander agreed, and they were soon grinding away to the latest hit songs (including a few of Albus’ own, which he sang/screamed into Lysander’s ear to much giggling and seductive lip-biting).

 

Left to his own devices, Lorcan decided to make the best of the evening. If Lysander had someone to go home with, why should he himself spend the evening alone?

He headed to the bar, apparently to purchase another drink, yet heading towards the space nearest the rather attractive man with the shockingly blue hair.

“...just overheard a seriously arrogant man say, "Your ego is not your amigo." Is it possible to spontaneously combust from irony overload? I think I might combust.” The man was clearly deep into some drunken rant at the bartender, cheerful enough however, and Lorcan was somewhat surprised to realise that the man in question was in fact Teddy Lupin.

“Teddy. Taking time to actually enjoy yourself?” Lorcan slid up to the bar, shoulder pressed to Lupin’s, and ordered another drink. “Anything for you?”

“Nah, I’m good. Had a lot already. How’s everything, anyway?”

 

*

 

It was a calm, peaceful sort of morning, and Lorcan was only partly listening to his mother as she talked (mostly with Lysander) about the various goings-on at home.

“I'm on some community email chain for residents in the Denver area. I would tell them to take me off, but I like knowing what's occurring.”

“Mum, I didn’t set up an e-mail account for you so that you could learn all about Denver,” Lysander remarks, grinning broadly.

It is, in fact, the grin that warns Lorcan that trouble is coming. Or rather, the fading of it.

“Um, looks like we have a visitor?”

Lorcan looks out the window behind him, and sees James Potter storming up the path.

“Ah, that will be for me,” he remarks, quickly slipping out the front door before Potter has a chance to barge into the house and cause a scene.

 

“You fucking bastard!” James yells, arm swinging up in an obvious attempt to break Lorcan’s nose that he easily dodges; he simply grabs the arm and uses Potter’s momentum and a bit of his own strength to send Potter straight to the ground, flat on his back and rather winded.

“Really, James, you know better. It was one drunken kiss, and I was assured that the two of you are currently ‘on a break’; although I’m not entirely certain of the protocols involved in that particular relationship state.”

James groans heavily, dragging himself to his feet, and glares at Lorcan darkly - yet the crossed arms and hunched shoulders give away much more than James realises. It would be obvious to anyone: James is scared that he’s going to lose the man he loves, and even Lorcan isn’t so cold-hearted that he doesn’t want to help.

“Right, shut-up and listen, because right now this is the best thing you’re ever going to hear:

Teddy wanted you to be jealous, because he doesn’t want to be ‘on a break’, so just fucking find him, fuck his brains out, and then - and this is important - _talk to him_.”

And with that, he spun on his heels and headed back into the house to fend off his mother’s enquiries and promise to explain everything to Lysander later. As he all too often has to.

 

*

 

“So, this is it? You just darkly hit on anyone good looking while Albie dances like a total skank with your brother?” Lorcan arches an eyebrow at James, unable to entirely refute the observation but nevertheless wishing he could amend a few of the word choices to be more flattering.

James has an arm slung around Teddy’s waist, and seems to be enjoying himself, although it is clear that Teddy still feels a bit awkward around Lorcan. They’re back together, but there’s still some tension there between the three of them, and James isn’t helping matters by being as possessive as possible.

It was easier with Lysander here (he’s so much better with people) but he’s buggered off to dance with Albus, as usual, and now the three of them have to try and make small-talk.

It’s excruciating.

 

Thankfully, a moment later Lorcan finds himself noticing a slender blonde man at the bar, and hastily excuses himself.

Perhaps the evening can be redeemed, after all. And you never know what a few drinks with an attractive man can lead to.


End file.
